“Hearing that our wives believe in us, increases our self-belief and gives us more confidence to be the best man we can be.” -Craig Groeschel
As wives, you possess one of the the most powerful and potent tools for shaping your husband. This tool costs nothing to use, but can cost you everything if you steward it poorly. This tool I’m talking about is your words. I’ve watched timid men become confident because of how their wives spoke to and about them. Sadly, I’ve also watched men who were once confident become timid and downright cowardly after being repeatedly beaten by their wives hurtful words. The truth is that your words will either build him up or break him down. It’s not a matter of if your words are powerful, it’s a matter of how you will steward that power to instill confidence and courage into your husband.
“From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so.” James 3:10
James captures, very simply, the truth of the matter when it comes to how we speak to our spouse. One moment we can be blessing them and speaking life into them, and just moments later we can find ourselves doing the complete opposite. Just as James says, this ought not to be so. So then, why does this happen? I’m convinced that most wives haven’t learned what to tell their man that will make him more confident, so they don’t. Then because he hasn’t had any life, courage, or confidence instilled in him, he lives in a way that is less courageous and confident than his wife would hope for, thus, leading to a vicious cycle. So here are some ways that you can instill more courage and confidence into your husband.
His ability to make decisions
A man who isn’t confident in his decision making will eventually fail as the leader of his home. As a wife, if you are constantly nit-picking or complaining about the decisions your husband is making for your family, he will inevitably relinquish all decision making responsibility to you and turn into an emotional couch potato. Tell your husband that you believe in him! Tell him that you believe that he possesses the capacity to make great decisions! When he asks you where you want to go for dinner, and you say you don’t care, then as soon as he recommends a place, don’t roll your eyes and second guess him. When he makes other decisions tell him, “ I think that’s a great decision!”.
What if he isn’t a good decision maker?
Ok ladies. A little football talk. Any great quarterback is known for his ability to read the field and make a good decision on what to do. Are all great quarterbacks great at this when they start? Absolutely not! They get better at it over time, they get better snap after snap, they get better by making decisions over and over again. Can you imagine if a quarterback makes a change to a play on the field (that’s called an audible) and then his team mates start yelling back at him, “No that’s stupid, it’s not gonna work!” That would be absolutely insane! He would stop making decisions because his team obviously doesn’t have his back.
Your husband is no different than a quarterback in this regard. The way he is going to get better at decision making is to keep making them. Yes, some of his choices might lead to dropped passes, fumbles, and interceptions, but let him learn! Be his supportive teammate who has his back when things go right and when things go wrong. Eventually, he will become a great quarterback for your team.
His ability and role as a provider
Finances are without a doubt the number one stressor in marital relationships. Additionally, most men take the role of providing for their family incredibly seriously. This is why when money gets tight, or bills go unpaid, or vacations have to be put off due to not having money, men take it personally. Let me give you a little inside information here ladies. Everything that you say you wish you had, every pinterest board that you have for your dream home, every trip that you wish you could take, every accessory or piece of clothing you with you could have in your wardrobe, your husband wishes he could give you. When he can’t, he begins to feel like a failure. Although this feeling starts small, overtime it can grow and grow. Everytime you talk together about finances, and discuss everything you DON’T have, he is secretly insulted.
Instead of flashing Pinterest boards in front of his eyes, talking about the home you wish you had, and talking about what you don’t have, choose instead to be vocal about everything you DO HAVE and how incredibly thankful you are for it. When you do this you are showing your husband how he has won as a provider, and this makes him confident, and ultimately makes him a better one.
His role as the spiritual leader of your home
If there is one area where every husband I’ve spoken with feels he is lacking, and needing to step his game up in, it’s being the spiritual leader of his home. Most men feel like they are constantly “behind the 8-ball” and ill-equipped as the spiritual leader, and with good reason. Pre-marital counseling rarely does a good job of teaching a man how to do this, there aren’t any college classes for this topic, and because most men don’t know how to do this well, it gives men few places to go to learn how. So how in the world can you instill confidence in your husband in this role? First and foremost, pray for him. Pray that he would be a man of the Word and of prayer. Pray that the Holy Spirit speaks to him. Pray. Pray. Pray.
Beyond prayer, positive reinforcement can bolster your husband's confidence in this area. When you see him reading his Bible, tell him that you love seeing him in the Word. When there is an opportunity to pray, after he has prayed, tell him that you love hearing him pray. You get the point on this one. Show your husband honor and admiration for what HE IS DOING, and it will inspire him onto new things as well.
I hope that this got your wheels turning. For men, winning is inspiring. When we feel like we are winning, we want to keep winning. When we feel like we are losing, we aren’t often inspired to get up and try again and again. This is why your role as a wife, your husband’s encourager, is so vital! Make him feel like he is winning. Even if those wins are small, make a huge deal out of them. Day by day, just watch the man he becomes.
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"20 Encouraging Texts You Can Send Your Husband"