Do you ever feel like there are more problems or issues to fix in your marriage than you have time to fix or focus on? You aren’t alone. Here’s a quick story to set the stage:
A few years ago we became accidental minimalists. And by that I mean we pretty much lost, or were forced to get rid of, almost everything we owned. Long story short, when we started our first business things didn’t go as planned. We lost our home, got our car repossessed (twice), had to sell our furniture, and got rid of pretty much everything that couldn’t fit into a 5 foot by 5 foot storage unit. At that time, our entire family of 5 moved into one bedroom, yes, one bedroom. Not a one bedroom apartment, just one bedroom. If our stuff didn’t fit in that tiny storage unit, our bedroom, our car, or our dresser, it had to go. The nice part about our “accidental downsizing” was that when it came time to move, it was no sweat!
Fast forward a couple of years when we had started to accumulate some “extra” things. One day, Stefani decided it was time to purge our home. She followed the expert guidance of our friend, Allie Casazza, the decluttering queen, to simplify things.
(Quick side note: If you feel overwhelmed with cleaning, constantly living in a mess, or always needing to organize clutter, YOU NEED to check out what Allie has to offer! You can visit her website by clicking here.)
Now… let’s get back to what we were discussing.
After Stefani decluttered our home, the difference was obvious! There was less time spent cleaning and organizing, and more time to spend on things that actually mattered to us. In short, minimalism helped us remove anything and everything that was not necessary so we could focus on what was. When we were able to only focus on what was necessary and what truly mattered to us, it brought great freedom and clarity.
Our marriages need decluttering.
Life gets so busy. We end up moving a million miles an hour, never feeling truly connected or like we are making any actual progress with fixing what needs to be fixed in our marriage. We have a solution for you! We want to give you three pillars to focus on. Could you do more than these three things to improve your marriage? You sure could. But you don’t need more to focus on, you need less. You don’t need a list of 5 or 10 things to remember to do to intentionally craft an amazing marriage. Focus on these three minimal things, and go from there. Here they are:
The 20 Minute Rule (Daily)
Spend 20 minutes a day talking. No phones. No computers. No TV. No distractions.
Just talk. This time doesn’t need to be about anything specific, just talk. Isn’t it amazing how when you were dating your spouse you could talk for hours, but now for some reason you can easily just look at each other with a blank stare wondering what to talk about? It’s because you stopped practicing the art of just talking. It’s time to begin again. On the couch, in bed, while driving, while cooking, it doesn’t matter. Talk about your day, your struggles, or what the Lord is teaching you. This time should also include praying together. Nothing fancy. Just talk together and then pray together.
Date Night (Weekly)
Connect with your spouse on a weekly basis with a date night. Look, we’ve heard every excuse in the book why this “isn’t practical” or why “you can’t do this” or “what about childcare”. We’ve also seen the incredible fruit in our marriage and in other marriages when people have a weekly date night. If you need cheap date night ideas you can download our free 10 Dates For Under $10 PDF right here. The bottom line is that dating your spouse keeps things fun, fresh, and exciting. Every single marriage will benefit from having a consistent date night.
The Big 2 (Twice a month)
The Big 2 are two questions we think every couple should be asking at least a couple times a month. We think these questions are so important that we included asking them as a challenge in our books, which, you can order by clicking here. So, what are the infamous big two questions? I’m glad you asked. First, ask your spouse, “How am I doing as your husband/wife?” Don’t get defensive, don’t start making excuses, just listen. Allow your spouse to be honest, and accept whatever they say. Second, ask your spouse, “What can I do better?” Again, just listen, and even take notes if you want to. This is difficult, no doubt about it, BUT if you listen and allow your spouse to be honest, you will receive much needed feedback about what you can practically do to love and serve your spouse better.
So there you go! The three minimal pillars that you can pursue to create an amazing marriage. Will these solve everything? Nope. Do they have the potential to create more intimacy, open communication, and set the stage for a better future? Yup. Now the ball is in your court. Time to DO IT! We believe in you.
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