Hey there! I think it's safe to assume that if you are reading this you are a wife with a husband who doesn't like to talk much or has a difficult time opening up and communicating. This being the case I want to tell you two things before we hop into these strategies. First and foremost, you are not the only wife to ever face this! Truth be told, this is one of the things we hear all the time from wives. So just know you aren't weird for going through this. Second, you need to know WHO is writing this to you. This is Cody, ya know, the husband part of On Purpose Marriage. I wanted to write this article for you because, well, I'M A MAN! Listen, I'm sure all your lady friends are really great and really smart and REALLY love you and want the absolute best for you BUT when it comes to issues like this it's a good thing to get a dude's perspective.
A quick word of caution before moving forward.
Do not. I repeat. DO. NOT. Take one of your dude friends out to coffee and start talking about your communication issues with your husband to him. I don't care if he is married or not or if he is a "longtime friend. That's how mental and emotional affairs start. Just don't go there.
Now that we established all that. Let's jump into how you can get your husband to talk and communicate more.
1. Don't forget that communication is a muscle that takes time to get stronger.
This is SUPER important to remember. Think of communication like fitness. You don't magically get super fit overnight, although, that would be really awesome, it's just not how it works. The same goes for communication in your marriage, it's like a muscle that needs to be worked out time and time again to get stronger and stronger. Keep this in mind because this whole thing takes time. You don't need to beat yourself up because you can't "change" your husband in the blink of an eye.
2. Choose your ‘when’ wisely.
Here's the deal ladies. Like it or not, there are good times and bad times to try and engage in some kind of meaningful conversation. Trying to strike up a conversation right after your husband gets home from a long hard day at work? Bad idea. Trying to spark some chit-chat first thing in the morning before your husband has had even a sip of coffee. Bad idea. I'm sure you are starting to see my point here. Take a few minutes today and think about when your husband feels most energized and most present, then plan on starting some conversation in those moments! Your chances for success are WAY better when you choose your when wisely.
3. Build ‘discussion momentum’ by warming him up.
Momentum is a really really big deal. Trying to jump straight into a deep conversation with a man doesn't work often, we need momentum to take us there. Think of it this way. Professional football players don't just put their uniform on, hop out onto the field and perform some incredible feats of athleticism. They warm up first! They start by doing seemingly insignificant drills to warm their bodies up and get moving, they are building momentum! So, how do you warm your husband up for conversation? Start by talking about things that you think don't matter! Yup. I said it. Talk about things that don't matter! That's how you warm us dude up, small talk. Whatever "small talk" is for your husband, get good at it. Over time you'll figure out what kinds of questions or topics start to warm him up and build conversation momentum.
4. Talk about things that matter to HIM.
Look, I know that you have things that are deep in your heart that you want to talk about with your husband, but the way you get him to talk about things that matter to YOU is to start talking about more things that matter to HIM. When you talk about things that matter to your husband you start building, yup, you guessed it, momentum. This momentum leads to you eventually being able to talk and communicate about what matters to you! But often times, this is where you have to start.
Like I mentioned earlier, this kind of stuff doesn't change overnight. It takes time. It takes work. It takes patience. With that being said, we made something for you to that will help BOTH of you communicate better. It's called the Communication Starter Kit. If you don't even know where to start when it comes to communicating better as a couple, THIS is where you start. Did I mention it's FREE? Go ahead and put your name and email in below and we will send it to you right away!