The 3 Zones Of Marriage Communication


If we were to pile almost all marriage issues into three buckets, those buckets would be named Money, Sex/Intimacy, and Communication. If we had to choose one bucket that had the potential to fix the other two, we’d choose Communication. After all, that’s what we do here at On Purpose Marriage - we help married couples connect and communicate well! We believe that if a couple learns how to communicate well, they will be able to effectively solve any other issue in their marriage! Yes. That includes you and your marriage.

With that said, we wanted to teach you the 3 zones of marriage communication, the dangers of each zone, and how to move from one zone to the next! So here we go!

Zone #1 - Proactive Communication

This communication zone is exactly what it sounds like, proactive. This is when discussions about work, money, sex, spirituality, family schedule, etc. happen BEFORE there are any issues. This zone of communication foresees possible issues and discusses them before they happen so you are constantly ahead of any changes or curveballs. This is where most couples want to live, but few actually know how to get here. To live in the proactive communication zone, you must have a combination of good communication habits and consistency to your communication.

Danger: You become lazy and complacent and end up falling back into Zone #2

Because proactive communication requires a combo of habits and consistency, if those things slip, you can slip right back into Zone #2. If you find yourself in this zone, WELL DONE! It’s not easy to get or stay here, so way to go! Also, be aware of how easy it is to slip out of this zone. Stay consistent with what got you here.

Zone #2 - Reactive Communication

Lack of consistent communication and not having a good communication foundation will land a couple here in Zone #2. Not having a healthy rhythm of communication will cause important things and small things to go undiscussed, which will lead to expectations not being met, and details falling through the cracks. These things will force you into communicating now because you weren’t proactive. This zone always involves more emotions and frustration when communicating, which can very easily lead to Zone #3 communication.

Danger: You are always behind the 8-ball, never feel a sense of peace, AND reactive communication is always the breeding grounds for radioactive communication.

When living in Zone #2 you’ll always feel a sense of unspoken tension, and it really, really sucks. You’ll live knowing that you and your spouse need to talk about some things, but never do it and instead, you hop on Facebook or Instagram and spend time there instead of communicating with your spouse. This will always cause the emotional temperature of your marriage to rise and will eventually lead to a blow-up… also known as Zone #3.

Zone #3 - Radioactive Communication

Fights. Huge disagreements. Blowups. These are all indicators of Zone #3 communication. This is the zone of communication that is the result of living in Zone #2 for too long. Radioactive communication will typically land a couple going to bed angry, silent treatment, sleeping on the couch, or who knows what else! Bottom line is this: if you EVER GET HERE you need some guidance. Not because you are a bad person, but because landing here is a clear indicator that you don’t have a communication foundation. And guess what?!?! MOST PEOPLE DON’T! YOU AREN’T ALONE! So many marriages live here and have radioactive communication all the time, but they just sweep it under the rug and never ask for help.

Danger: All you do is freaking fight and you will start to feel like the only way to make this whole thing better is to get a divorce.

When you live in the area of radioactive communication it will feel like all you do is fight and that your marriage can’t seem to get positive traction anywhere! This will start to make you think that you married the wrong person, that divorce is what needs to happen, or that your marriage will just always be this way. WRONG. WRONG. WRONG. You didn’t marry the wrong person and you don’t need a divorce. You need some help, you need a guide, you need someone who cares enough to help you and encourage you and show you a better way.

Wherever you find yourself today, we have something for you… two things actually. We are coming out with our new book (a weekly communication journal) and communication course this November! We are CRAZY EXCITED about it because we believe that if we can help couples communicate better, we will be able to help couples change their marriages forever!

So what next? Sign up to be on our email list so we can keep you up to date with the release of our next book and course! They will both be going on pre-sale November 1st and you certainly don’t want to miss out on that! To hop on our mailing list, simply put your info in below and we will keep you up to date! Talk with you soon friend!

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