Well here we go. Time to "make an example of myself".
I’m not going to waste anytime with some kind of an intro here or tell you some story that I’ll eventually tie into the narrative of this blog. It’s time to just take a big deep breath and let everyone know my biggest struggle as a husband. The only thing that makes this easy is knowing that there is no way in the world I’m the only guy who isn’t as good at this as we’d like to be.
Am I the only husband or spouse for that matter that get's caught up with the speed and barrage of life's responsibilities that being intentional about investing and growing my relationship with my wife can become an afterthought?
I’m consistently intentional with so many things in life but for some reason with the absolute most important relationship in my life it’s easy to push the cruise control button and just hope for the best. I plan and organize my day to make sure I eat what I need to eat, so my car has gas, so I arrive at work on time, so I make it to the gym, and so on and so on. I do all of these other things consistently with an incredible amount of intentionality but when it comes to the relationship that is foundational to my relationship with my children and other people in my life I can easily only make course corrections when we start to feel the effects of not being intentional.
The most recent study shows that currently 40-50% of marriages will end in divorce. Yes. That’s half. Here’s the deal. If you woke up tomorrow morning and heard on the news that you had a 40-50% chance of getting mauled by a bear when you leave your house would you prepare to leave your house a little differently? Would you do everything you could to make sure that you wouldn’t be a mauling victim? Of course you would! For some reason however when we see that statistic as it pertains to our marriages it’s SO EASY to think there’s no way it could happen to me. With such staggering statistics around marriage and the fact that marriage, next to my relationship with Jesus is hands down the most important relationship I will ever have it’s crazy to me that I can be so lazy and unintentional about how I nurture and grow it.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not a total deadbeat. I've grown leaps and bounds in this area because of these reasons...
1. I surround myself with other husbands who challenge me.
Community isn't a luxury it's a necessity. Husbands and wives alike need others around them that will encourage and challenge you.
2. Daily...yes, daily time in God's word.
The word of God is a lamp to our feet and a guide to our path. Every time we read the word it has the potential to expose something in us that needs to change, mature, or needs to be removed. Spending daily time in the word is like using the bumpers while bowling, when I start to get off track it puts me back in line.
3. I ask my wife how I'm doing and what I can do better.
Yes. I literally ask my wife to basically grade me as a husband and give me areas of improvement. This conversation never gets any easier because I know that she will always have something in mind that I can do better, and it doesn't always feel good hearing those words. At the end of the day I know that hearing the exact things that would make my wife feel more loved and cared for will bear amazing fruit when I do them.
The fight against mediocrity and "just getting by as a husband" is real. Our flesh wants to take the easy route, it wants to take the path of least resistance. But we don't walk in the flesh, we are to walk in the spirit. I want to challenge every husband and wife that's reading this. CHOOSE to walk in the spirit and be intentional about loving your spouse and investing in your marriage, you'll never regret it.
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